Lets get personal.....

Hey there Bookies,

I hope you don't mind me doing a little bit of rambling. I'm doing this because I was just reflecting on how far I have come in a constant struggle of trying to find who I really am. For all of those who don't know or haven't noticed, I have a huge passion for writing. Like it is the passion that gives me purpose everyday. But sadly it hasn't always been like that.

From a young age I had always loved writing and actually dreamed of it being my profession one day. But for as long as I could remember, I was always told what to write and what not to. It was like everyone wanted me to fit the mold of what was expected of my age group. Believe it or not, I was writing detailed stories in the third grade to the point that my ghost stories were too concerning and deserved calls from school because the teacher didn't think it was age appropriate to be writing such things at my age.

I could see why they would have a little bit of worry because its not normal for an eight year old to write a book that Stephen King should have written. My mom tried to tell them to just let it go, but it got to the point that even she started to agree with them. So after constantly being shot down for writing my way for stories through out the years, because even in fifth grade I had the same problem. I even toned that story down by creating a twist in the end. Anyways, I started to just hate writing.

I got sick and tired of being told what to do when it came to it. I lost my drive. My passion. Even reading was my worst enemy because those people were living the dream I always wanted. So I searched for a new passion, like volleyball but had to quit because of a dislocated knee. Then I discovered theater but got taken out of that because of a stupid rule that required me to be home right after school because my mother needed the help, as said so by my grandmother. Then I went with music.

Fought tooth and nail to get a degree in a feild that I thought could bring me happiness, but I still felt empty. Like something was missing. I knew what it was, but I was still too scared to pull myself back into the endless lines of words that come into writing. But at least in college I got back into reading. Slowly rediscovering myself. It took until just before my graduation before I opened up my old stories and finished them.

Then one day I figured that I had enough of what people think. But only because I remembered that out of all my constant struggles of being told that what I was writing was wrong, I had two teachers that said otherwise. Instead of telling me that writing horror stories wasn't the right thing for me, my Search for Identity teacher actually encouraged it by giving me pointers on how to make the story more appropriate for the assignment. He actually thought it was cool on how I was writing the story and saw some real talent there.

Same for my creative writing teacher. I only took that class because it was an easy English class and I needed the credits, if we are being honest here. I really struggled in that class because I felt like that no matter what I wrote, it would get shot down and told that I needed to stick to something that was more girly and happy. But my teacher gave me pointers on how to improve on my writing and complimented it after reading it out loud in class. Scared the daylights out of me because I can't talk in front of people, but it was the only way I was going to know for sure if what I wrote was okay.

Sadly it took me two more years to just say what the hell and write what I wanted anyways. What did it was a friend that told me something very encouraging words. Wish I could remember what he said, but he said a lot of things that inspired me. His words even helped me get through the tough times in college. Sad we don't talk anymore because life happened.

Anyways, the point is that I've come so far from hating writing to being on the road to making it my career. Whether its through my blog or my stories, I couldn't feel more complete. Also the reason I brought this up is because I had a conversation with my grandmother. Writing itsn't the only thing I'm being told what to do. My life is a constant never ending hell of being told what to do and being hated for what I do.

Most people would think that I exaturate or lie about my grandmother's behavior towards me, but I swear on my other grandmother's grave that it is all true. But I will have to save it for another time, because this would make the post way too long for any of us to appriciate. Maybe I'll make a 'Lets get Persanal Sunday' posts from now on. Anyways, back to the conversation between me and my grandmother. She was saying how it was her goal to mold me into the perfect housewife. I ended up telling her that I wasn't made to be a housewife. Her comeback resulted in saying that I can be anything I want to do. Which ended up with me saying how I wanted to be a sucessful business woman. She ended the conversation with how I'd never make it and me giving her a look like 'Do you hear yourself talking?'

Of course I made the mistake and told her about the contests I've been invited to and how I share my stories all over the internet in hopes that the publishing company I want will publish one of my books. Cough cough Random House please publish one of my books. Anyways she told me that if that ever happened all the other authors would just look at me like I don't belong. That I have to write something that really has to make an impact. Might I add that this woman has never read any of the stories I've written in years. The only book she read was one of my vampire books and she didn't get farther then the fourth paragraph because it didn't have enough organization. So hearing her say something that involves what I take pride in just to hurt me, kind of ticks me off. If only you guys could see the full exstant of our relationship.

Let me know if you want to read about that mess. Or any other topics that we have for "Lets get personal Sunday" because I'm pretty sure I'm going to make this a thing now that the blog is two years old. Deal?

So until next time.......